Carol Peet Ministries
Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples.  John 15:8

Love and forgiveness are the two words we hear most about in the church, and rightfully so. Love and forgiveness is what God is and what He is all about. If we are in the process of being restored to His image, in which we were created, then love and forgiveness should be what we are and what we are all about.

Many years ago I went through an experience where I was totally rejected by people I loved and cared a lot about. It was my first time facing right out open rejection. I was gravely wounded and cried and cried to the Lord. Then He began to show me about the kind of "love" that we as man, male and female, pass off as love. If this kind of "love" could talk, it would say, "If you look the way I want you to look and act the way I want you to act and talk the way I want you to talk, then I will love you. I need you to look, act, and talk "right" so I can always feel safe and secure, loved and accepted, and valued by you. If you don’t look, act, and talk "right," then I won’t "love" you anymore." This isn’t real love. It is control, manipulation, and using people. It is a subtle form of witchcraft.

Then God told me, "This is the kind of love on which man builds relationships. It is really building on sand and when the storms of circumstances come, the building will fall." (Matt. 7:24-27) In this case the buildings were relationships. Then He said, "I never build on or with what man has built. I tear down man’s building before I begin to build." (Jer. 1:10) I said to myself, "Praise God! He is going to teach them how to love me." Knowing at the time that forgiveness is essential to living in relationship with God, I honestly and truly forgave those who had rejected me and continued to be consistent in my friendly behavior toward them.

Two or three years went by when I was asked to give my testimony at a women’s gathering in a neighboring city. In preparation I was prayerfully thinking through my life asking my Father what He wanted me to share. This incident of rejection came to my mind and He said, "It wasn’t their love I was working on."

Can you see from this example how "real love" and forgiveness cannot be separated from each other? If I had not forgiven, then my heart would have been hardened to God building His real love in me. Forgiveness and real love go hand in hand. What I am calling "real love" is God’s unconditional love, and if this real love could talk, it would say, "It doesn’t matter how you look, I will always love you. If you get fat or skinny, loose your hair, loose your breasts, loose your legs or become scarred, I will always love you. No matter how you act I will always love you. If you should fail and get into trouble or get desperate and do something stupid, I will always love you. You do not possess the words in your vocabulary that can stop me from loving you. You may wound me, you may disappoint and fail me, but I will forgive you and never stop loving you." Does this kind of love appear impossible? It is impossible for man. But with God all things are possible. Unconditional love is God’s kind of love, and it is the only kind of love that makes a relationship and, most importantly, a marriage work.

How do we get this kind of unconditional love working in our lives? It starts with the individual first, making a commitment. Man’s love is based on feeling, emotion. It is only real if you feel it. God’s unconditional love is based on commitment – being committed to it whether it is felt or not. So each individual starts by making a commitment to love unconditionally. Then God sets to work making it real in the individual’s heart. I believe I can best illustrate it by using the example of Peter.

Then Jesus said to them that Thursday evening of the Lord’s Supper, "All of you will be made to stumble because of Me this night, for it is written: ‘I will strike the Shepherd, And the sheep will be scattered.’ But after I have been raised, I will go before you to Galilee." Peter said to Him, "Even if all are made to stumble, yet I will not be." Jesus said to him, "Assuredly, I say to you that today, even this night, before the rooster crows twice, you will deny Me three times." But he spoke more vehemently, "If I have to die with You, I will not deny You!" And they all said likewise. (Mk. 14:27-31 NKJ)

The account in Luke adds more detail to this event. And the Lord said, "Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. "But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren." But he said to Him, "Lord, I am ready to go with You, both to prison and to death." Then He said, "I tell you, Peter, the rooster shall not crow this day before you will deny three times that you know Me." (Lk. 22:29-34 NKJ)

I have no doubt that Peter meant what he said. In the way Peter saw and knew himself, he really believed he could and would die with Jesus. Then something happened that threw him into a place where he didn’t know how to function. It happened when the guards came to get Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. Then Simon Peter, having a sword, drew it and struck the high priest’s servant, and cut off his right ear. The servant’s name was Malchus. So Jesus said to Peter, "Put your sword into the sheath. Shall I not drink the cup which My Father has given Me?" (Lk 22:10 ,11 NKJ) Matthew’s account reads, "And suddenly, one of those who were with Jesus stretched out his hand and drew his sword, struck the servant of the high priest, and cut off his ear. But Jesus said to him, "Put your sword in its place, for all who take the sword will perish by the sword. "Or do you think that I cannot now pray to My Father, and He will provide Me with more than twelve legions of angels? "How then could the Scriptures be fulfilled, that it must happen thus?" (Matt. 26:51-54 NKJ) Then Jesus put the servant’s ear back on and healed it.

All who are acquainted with the Peter that walked with Jesus as told in the four gospels know that he was not a fearful man. He was the man who got out of the boat in a storm and walked on the water. He was a "take charge and get the job done" sort of man. And that is what he did when the guards were trying to take Jesus. He was ready to kill or be killed to defend Jesus. I believe he was being consistent to the commitment he had made to even die with Jesus. But, it was Jesus’ response to his efforts that threw him. Jesus healed the servant’s ear and admonished Peter. It threw Peter totally out of his control. If what he did to defend Jesus wasn’t the right thing, then what in the world was he supposed to do?

Have you ever been in a situation where you found yourself totally out of control? It can hinder and even stop you from thinking and functioning. If you are used to being in control and then loose control, you can do some pretty stupid things.

At a distance Peter followed Jesus and the guards and began to witness the proceedings. And as it goes, he was "accused" three times of being "one of them." As Jesus had prophesied, three times Peter denied having any part with Jesus. I don’t believe Peter did it out of fear of dying. It was the fear of being out of control. He was always in control. His security, his value and strength was in being in control. The vulnerability of being out of control was more than what he could handle. It was one thing to die fighting, but to walk up and say, "Here I am. Kill me," was another matter, so he failed Jesus three times.

After Peter had denied Jesus the third time and the cock had crowed the second time, the Lord turned and looked at Peter. And Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how He had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times." So Peter went out and wept bitterly. (Lk. 22:61, 62 NKJ)

I am sure Peter thought it was now all over. Even if Jesus got out of this thing alive, it was all over for Peter. He blew it. He failed. How could he ever be worth anything to God again? For the first time Peter was really seeing himself. Just like Peter we never really see ourselves; we do not really know ourselves until we are out of control. It took the "sifting" by Satan for Peter to see the truth about himself, and what he didn’t know as he left weeping bitterly, the best was really beginning.

On that first Easter morning the women went to anoint Jesus’ body for burial. When they got there, the tomb was open, Jesus was gone, and there was an angel who told them Jesus had risen, "But go your way, tell his disciples and Peter that he goeth before you into Galilee: there shall ye see him, as he said unto you." (Emphasis added) (Mk. 16:7 KJ)

Can you imagine what Peter must have felt when the women came to the disciples with the message from the angel? Here I put myself into Peter’s place feeling a total failure. He had failed Jesus to whom he had committed his life, and he had failed himself. Then in the dark, ugly emotional pit of the reality of what he had done, he heard the women say, "Tell the disciples and Peter…." Did the angel really say his name? Perhaps he even asked the women to repeat it. Yes, he really did say, "Peter."

Why did the angel specifically speak Peter’s name and Peter’s name only? Out of all the disciples it was Peter that Satan had asked for to "sift" as wheat. All of the disciples had experienced the tumult and tragedy of the previous events, but it was Peter who had gone on the catastrophic journey of facing the reality of himself. Jesus had told him, "But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren." The angel spoke Peter’s name because Peter needed to hear his name, and God wanted him to know he was still included.

The third time Jesus appeared to His disciples after He had risen from the dead, He had a conversation with Peter. Before we look at this conversation, we need to understand two Greek words that mean love. The first is phileo and it means brotherly love, friendship love and is in man’s ability to do. The second is agape and it is God’s always faithful, never failing, and unconditional love with no hidden agenda, which only becomes possible in man through his relationship with God. Now let’s look at Jesus’ conversation with Peter. I have written the scripture using and emphasizing the original Greek words for love as they are found in the original text.

Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of Jonah, do you agape Me more than these?" He said to Him, "Yes, Lord; You know that I phileo You." He said to him, "Feed My lambs." He said to him again a second time, "Simon, son of Jonah, do you agape Me?" He said to Him, "Yes, Lord; You know that I phileo You." He said to him, "Tend My sheep." He said to him the third time, "Simon, son of Jonah, do you phileo Me?" Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, "Do you phileo Me?" And he said to Him, "Lord, You know all things; You know that I phileo You." Jesus said to him, "Feed My sheep." (Jn. 21:15-17 NKJ)

From the vantage point of our present day revelation and understanding we can see that Jesus was not just confronting Peter, He was also identifying three levels or dimensions of ministry. I am going to amplify and paraphrase this scripture:

Jesus said to Peter, "Simon (which means harkening), son of Jonah (which means dove, a symbol of the Holy Spirit) (Jesus is speaking here to Peter’s identity in the natural and in the spiritual.), do you unconditionally love Me more that every one else? It is obvious that Jesus is not speaking to the same arrogant, in control, and take charge Peter who declared he would die with Him. Peter is now facing Jesus with a broken and contrite heart. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart—these, O God, You will not despise. (Ps. 51:17 NKJ) Contrite means "deeply sorry, penitent." And Peter is now speaking to Jesus at the most gut-level honesty he has ever spoken about himself. Peter is speaking to Jesus stripped naked of his façade of control, arrogance, justifications, and logic reasoning as he answers, "Yes, Lord, I love You as my best friend, but isn’t it obvious that I do not love You unconditionally?" Jesus says, "You have given a right answer; therefore, I send you to feed my Word to my spiritual babies." This is the first level or dimension of ministry.

Then Jesus asks a second time, "Harkening (Simon), son of the Spirit (Jonah), do you love Me unconditionally?" And again Peter answers, "Yes, Lord, I love You as a best friend, but I do not have the ability to love You unconditionally." Jesus says, "You have again given the right answer; therefore, I send you to take care of my followers who are growing into maturity." This is the second level or dimension of ministry.

Jesus asks Peter a third time, but His question is a little different, "Harkening, son of the Spirit, do you phileo Me?" Peter was now grieved, probably thinking Jesus was not pleased with only phileo. Then Peter gives another excellent answer, "Lord, You KNOW. Lord, You know everything. You knew when I was "showing off" in my arrogance and control that I really didn’t love unconditionally. You know now that I am speaking the truth when I say I love You as my best friend." Yes, Jesus knew that where Peter was in his spiritual growth, phileo was all he had and all he could give, and He was willing to meet Peter at that place. Jesus also knew that because of Peter’s broken and contrite heart and because of Peter’s honesty with himself, that his heart was no longer fallow ground. The "soil" of his heart had been broken up and worked by the trial he had been through and was now rich and ready to receive the spiritual seed of agape, the seed of real unconditional love. Jesus knew Peter would quickly grow into a man of agape. Because of what Jesus knew, He sent Peter to do third dimension ministry, "Feed my mature followers."

We are seeing here that, at least to God, honesty about our love is more important that the quality of our love. When there is honesty, there is also a heart in which God can plant and establish His agape, the unconditional love that we really want to be able to give. But the most important thing I want us to see from this illustration is, WE CANNOT HAVE OR GIVE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE UNTIL WE KNOW GOD’S UNCONDITIONAL LOVE FOR US. WE CANNOT KNOW GOD’S UNCONDITIONAL LOVE FOR US UNTIL WE HAVE FAILED.

It amazes me how we can be blind to our lack of unconditional love and yet see other’s lack so clearly. We can so easily condemn, but Jesus did not condemn or reject Peter because of his love failure. Jesus didn’t turn His back to Peter telling him that he should get what he deserved. Jesus allowed Peter his "tearing down" time and then met him with love, acceptance, and restoration on the other side. Jesus had said to him, "when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren." (Lk. 22:32b NKJ) Peter experienced God’s unconditional love.

Let us emphasis again that before Jesus was taken a prisoner Peter really believed he had the real kind of love. We believe we have it, but the hidden agendas in our love are so hidden we don’t even realize they are there. We use our "love" to be sure we get what we need in return. At least for a Christian, but not limited to Christians, it usually has to do with how we need others to see and accept us. Therefore, when others don’t respond right, it gives us the right to reject them, except we don’t say it in those words. We know how to spiritualize it. "They really hurt me. All they really want to do is take from me and use me and then go do their own thing. I feel no obligation to them." And we call it love?

I have this one more thing to say. It is not their love God is working on.

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Copyright © 2005 Carol Peet Ministries
Last modified: 05/18/06